Sunday 1 September 2019

President's Day: The Game that Finished in the Dark

The annual President's Game is the biggest event in the club calendar, and it was my honour to be selected to play for the club for the first time, to take on a President's team of mainly former players. We lost it due to rain last year, so we were desperate for it to go ahead.

Even more importantly, it was the first game to be played on our new second ground at the club, a facility three years in planning and development, and so we had a large number of dignataries present for the grand opening on a beautiful wicket our grounds staff must be very proud of.

Hence we had a very nice cake  spread before the game - I don't normally eat before matches but I did today - and a number of speaches from the President, the deputy chair of the district council, an English Cricket Board official, and our own chairman.

After his short speech, we were a bit late in getting started, which was to lead to interesting consequences later on. By tradition, the President's XI bat first, which meant my club side, full of first team players, would bowl first. And for some reason, muggins here was chosen to bowl the historic first ball on the new ground, looking very fat from the pictures I have just seen.

I am rarely so honoured.

I was also lucky enough to take the first wicket, when I got our first team leading run scorer chasing a wide one to second slip where the catch seemed to be taken on the fielder's stomach, not that I cared after yesterday's travails. He could have taken the catch up his nose and I would have taken it gladly.

The batsman looked absolutely stricken, like a child who has just watched his hamster being eaten by Freddie Starr.

This brought out the Div A Collingham bat who had promised to hit me into any tree he chose to nominate. Well he bloody didn't, and I beat his bat a few times. He did however hit plenty of 6s of other bowlers, and his partner got a 50 at a rapid rate as well. We were being banjaxed, basically, until one of our rather less heralded bowlers came on and proceded to gut the middle order like a spatchcocked chicken to take 5 for 19. He did really seem quite embarassed about it though.

If I were him I'd have been getting the ball embossed with a commemorative plaque.

I got a second spell, which was a bit of a disaster as 1) I was stiff as a board and opened with 3 wides and 2) I had the actual President caught behind, which was loudly booed by some rioters in the crowd.

This brought out the chairman, who I nearly decapitated first ball - ok nearly had caught behind - and we gave each other Alan Donald - Mike Atherton style stares which was good for the spectators. He was nearly caught next ball before he hit a 4 off my last ball, grrrrr.

I took 2-30 in the end as the President's XI scored 217 for 9 off their 40 overs. This was a daunting target, not least because it was scheduled to get dark as we finished.

Hmmmmm.

But we started really well, with our first team bats, especially the one who calls me by unflattering nicknames sometimes, belting the ball to all parts. We were cruising at 165-3, then the wheels fell off. The naughty bat was caught brilliantly in fading light, and the club captain, distracted by the Arsenal game, got out for next to nothing. Or indeed, nothing.

That left myself and the other tail enders, and it was getting very dark. When I went out at number 10, we still needed 24, and I was dropped first ball by the club chairman.

Second ball I stepped across my stumps, and lapped the ball over the ropes for a big old 6. Alas that was the only good thing I did, as next over I got my partner run out by a direct hit - sorry about that - and then played a horrible hack to be caught out. I seem to have forgotten how to score on the off side.

We lost by about 10 runs. But apparently, we are supposed to lose anyway, so I guess that is alright in the end.

Still a bit disappointed though. And we won't talk about my fielding. But it was a great day for the club. And at least I didn't rip my Rod Stewart style too tight cricket trousers, as the chairman did. See below. If you dare.

Si

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