Monday 11 July 2011

Using nature as a tool of seduction

If nature is good for the soul, then surely it can be good for the heart too.

I've been entertaining the possibility of hitching up a young lady to the back of my bicycle  - more likely, she gives me a lift as I can't drive - and heading for a pleasant, wildflowery spot at RSPB Langford Lowfields, or at NWT Willow Holt - and producing a decently classy picnic and classically decent bottle of wine, and settling in for a chat about the glorious sights around us, classical composition, high art and brilliant literature, or she sits there adoringly listening as I misidentify warblers to her in an oh so bound to succeed attempt to impress her.

Perhaps I've done this already. Lots of times. I wouldn't want you to think that I was a complete no mark no mate anorak whom the local equivalents of Scarlett Johannson (Ha!) wouldn't touch with the proverbial excremental stick.

This isn't true, d'you hear me! I've done this loads, and it has worked beyond a charm every time, it so has. I recommend you do the same, even if you've got no one to go  to, fae it you're not likely to see anything prettier in the course of your normal day, and the exercise is good for you.

But if you do take a picnic, remember to clear up your mess or by all the gods I'll haunt you in a most cruel way!

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