Today, I captained an adult cricket side for the very first time in my life. I shan't forget it in a hurry.
For a start it was a bit of a struggle to get an 11 out there. Our new Kiwi couldn't play, and some of our reliable reserve players had other engagements, so as it turned out I only had 10 players to captain. Ach, so what, it's a lovely day, just enjoy it, I thought.
We found the ground ok, we played here last year if anyone fancies looking back at last year's entries - that'll be a no then! - and it was as poor for nature as last year. If I could have sneaked off for a look at the fishing lake next door I would have done, but I was far too busy.
A few red admiral butterflies flew past as we started fielding, my first of the year., but there wasn't much else to see apart from the red ball flying to all parts of the boundary, mostly off my bowling.
Yes, our little assortment of players was up against another mighty side. It was like Christians versus Lions, only the Christians had been given sleeping tablets and had been stapled to the floor.
I was good at arm waving and captain-y noises from the book of sports cliches, and apparently very good at encouraging our bowlers and fielders. Wasn't so hot with tactics, needed a little bit of help with field setting.
We were taken for 303 off 40 overs, even worse than last week. But my players helped me so much it was great. No-one stopped trying when they could have easily, and perhaps rightly, decided their captain was a hopeless cretin and given up.
Especially when after a decent start with my bowling, I came on to bowl at the end, as I like to. 6,6,4,6,4,W went my first over. 0,W, 6,4,0,6 went my next.
I love bowling, but that was a bit much to swallow. The ground was next to a model aircraft airfield, and the colourful little planes were aloft all day doing loop the loops and rolls and stuff.
I suggested at tea we should attach a banner to one reading "SIMON YOU ARE SHIT". Maybe next time.
We had no chance of knocking the runs off. So we just batted as long as we could. I was last out for 11 after 33 overs, so not too bad.
OK, it is only a game.
All text and images copyright CreamCrackeredNature 14.05.17