So Near the Hero

 Found myself, after last weekends cricket-less experience, in our second team today to take on Beeston and Toton Sycamore.

Always known as BaTS, they are a side I've played at all levels, first team, second and third, and they are usually a generally ok bunch, with the odd curmudgeon present. They've had a lot of trouble and re-organisation lately, and today they were a slightly younger bunch than normal.

I say "younger", many of them seemed to be about my age or older, but I've played BaTS teams in the past that looked like they had been re-animated from the dead with voudun rituals the night before the game.

Anyway, we went out to field first in a forty over game - no forty-five over grind today thank you skipper! and I took up my customary position at square leg where the crappest fielder goes, determined to field with energy along with my usual hopeless clumsiness.

While our opening bowlers set too with an accurate opening barrage, I didn't really have a lot to do but urge the team on with inane cricket-isms that I kept fluffing anyway, leaving me sounding loudly confused. I did make sure I backed up, supported and ran around hard and took the plaudits for when I did something right, like touching the ball without breaking my leg or some such thing. 

At least until a slight misfield cost us a run, at which the bowler looked at me very angrily for spoiling a maiden over.

However, after a second wicket fell, the next over I found myself still at square leg presented with what looked like BaTS' best bat mis-timing a pull shot that looped reasonably quickly towards me as I ran in.

Presented with the choice of catching the ball or having my teeth knocked out, I got my hands up in front of my face and somehow caught the ball despite the fact that as usual I blinked in reflex to the ball hitting my hands. 

Laughter and cheers greeted this rare occurence of me holding a catch. It's the first I've taken for about three years. 

The rest of the innings proceeded turgidly slowly as our good fielding and bowling restricted BaTS to 122 for 8 in 40 overs. I kept my energy levels high, at least until a tweak in the buttock region slowed me down a little. However, I did drop another catch, which was disappointing. Nothing ever goes entirely right.

Our batting reply, after an early wicket, started steadily, and I roamed the wild pastures of buttercups at the edge of the field butterfly hunting and hoping that I wouldn't be required to bat, or indeed do anything more at all. Our numbers 1 and 3 acquired runs at the required rate with little trouble against bowlers who were accurate if nothing else. 

However, after we'd got to about 75 for 1, things started to go run when our opener spooned a catch to gully. Knowing we were a bit thin on batting today, I began to have bad feelings that my part in the match was not yet done. 

This worsened after our skipper was caught off an above waist high full toss which our umpire at square leg called a no-ball, but was over-ruled by the umpire they had brought with him. There then followed a bizarre discussion where their umpire said it wasn't a no ball because the skipper was leaning backwards so his waist was lower. 

In terms of anatomical geometry, unless the skipper had somehow adopted a limbo position like the girl from "The Exorcist" did when she scuttled down the stairs, this seems very unlikely and it led to an unpleasant post-script to the game.

From this point, we just struggled to score runs at even the fairly low required rate, and wickets just fell around our number 3 as he stood powerless at the other end. We needed 24 off the last 6, then 10 off the last two, but this second last over was a disaster as three wickets fell and only two runs were scored.

Our keeper then fell at the start of the last over, and I had to go out there required to hit 8 off 4 balls to win the game.

First ball, of admittedly a less than deadly bowler despite what their wicket keeper was calling him in between gently telling me what pressure I was under, I managed to whip behind square for 4, just past a fielder's despairing dive.

Next ball I missed.

Third ball, I absolutely hammered out of the middle towards the distant boundary at long off, and I trotted up the wicket fully expecting the ball to go for 4. Unfortunately, as I watched their bat I had caught out earlier on sprinted around the boundary like a mad man and dived like a porpoise to get a hand on the ball. Even then, I thought he'd knocked it over the rope, but no, it didn't. Guilty of ball watching rather than running, me and the number 3 ran two when we should have run three.

Still, one more ball. I could still do it.

It was a slow short ball, and I thrashed it straight into the bowler's stomach. It knocked him to his knees, but he still held on to take the catch, and we had lost by one run. 

Gutting. It still smarts now as I type this. 

Some awkward scenes post-game, as accusations flew about the limbo-ing no ball, but I was sat in the dressing room with my head in my hands. 

Feels like my fault. But I'll live and try again tomorrow.

Si

All text and images copyright CreamCrackeredNature 11.06.22

A Very Restful Afternoon

So today we had Beeston and Toton Sycamore come over to visit our second team at Kelham Road, a team I have now played against all three varieties of.

Today was their second team, although it contained many familiar faces from the third team last year, including the grey beared very slow opening bowler, the man in the West Indies floppy hat, the long haired heavy metal dude in a bandana and the oldster who did a lot of complaining in my ear when I was out there umpiring.

Anyway, as expected, the game had a very slow start on a very slow wicket. I tried to live stream the match but only one person watched for a bit before getting bored, so that didn't really work out. But we kept wickets intact and sped up, and two of our bats made fine 50s although one of them got so tired he needed to hail a taxi to run between the wickets at the end.

We closed on 149-3, which always looked a decent score against what we figured would be a weak team, so I kept myself loose and fit for bowling, tried to only eat a light tea...

...and spent the next 40 overs fielding at fine leg.

We were too good for me to be needed today, and they closed on something like 98-8 off 40 overs. We strangled them to death basically, with our opening bowlers going for 20 off 20 overs and taking 5 wickets. I touched the ball 5 times, each one costing me £1.60. Result is all that matters though.

Si

All text and images copyright CreamCrackeredNature 13.07.19

First Team Gun for Hire

By some strange inter-dimensional quirk of circumstance and selection, I found myself playing for our first team today, in the nose bleeding heights of Division D where, you know, proper cricketers play rather than clumsy cretins like me who could get knocked over by a passing butterfly.

We were away playing Beeston and Toton Sycamore 1s, the well known BaTS against whose third team I have usually played in the last couple of years. The venue was described as "The Manor Ground" which sounded very grandiose to me, but as it turned out it is a public park and Toton Manor itself was destroyed a couple of hundred years ago.

You can see where it was, and information boards describe the excavation that took place a fair few years ago before Toton Manor was returned to its rest under a football pitch.

We batted first on what we thought was a soft, damp slow wicket. It turned out to be really difficult to bat on and no-one  could really get going - the ball occasionally bounced trampoline like and it was difficult for anyone to time the ball, hence a number of us got caught out, including me out for a duck popping up a catch to a ball from a spinner that seemed to go backwards when it pitched.

We only managed 95 all out. One of  us got 38 and without that we'd have been home  by 4pm.

Tea was the standard fair with the hens of Britain no doubt glad to see yet another plate of sandwiches made from their eggs. However, there were some nice Asian nibbles thrown in as well for a bit more spice.

Batting I was never worried about at this level; no-one thinks I can bat so a zero wasn't unexpected. As long as I didn't get hurt. The fielding however, I was much more worried about, and didn't want to let the skipper or the team down, especially in a tight game like this.

As it turned out, I was fine, having found recent success with my highly energetic if not necessarily being any good approach to fielding. We had them in early trouble too, 3 wickets down for less than 20. But with the wicket drying out with the sun and wind, it got easier to bat on.

Major difference between 1st team and other sides - it's a bit "chirpier" out there. There was a bit of sledging and chat going on from our senior first teamers, which is usual at this level I would think. I would just sound stupid if I did it, as I am too rubbish to back it up.

I did bowl however, a few overs and managed to have the odd experience of having two catches dropped off one ball. At this level, a ball fractionally short or wide gets hit for 4 though, and that happened a couple of times, but hey I didn't embarass myself out there.

And  now, I can return to the depths of lower teams, a deep sea sleeper shark that occasionally rises to the surface...

Si

All text and images copyright CreamCrackeredNature 25.08.19

Some Days are Just a bit Rubbish

Played our friends Beeston and Toton Sycamore - curious name! - out at the horrid municiple ground at Stapleford. It's a slightly rough area, when we played a game last year there were drunks fighting on the wicket at tea time, and the pavilion looks like it was formerly used as a Chilean Secret Police torture facility.

The screams would echo round the dressing rooms, before the dissidents were taken to be shot on the bowling green next door.

We were merely given a slow, up and down wicket and an outfield scattered with gifts from the Gods, I mean dogs, and a howling wind to contend with.

It was also grey and muggy as hell, and as we bowled first, it played havoc with my radar. The ball was swinging miles, and if I bowled at the stumps, it ended up swinging so far away it was called a wide. I did get to grips with it a bit, but having to aim outside leg stump in order to get the ball less than a foot outside off was a bit of strange one.

I bowled too many wides. Not good. I bowled a lot of really good bat beating outswingers too, but my only wicket was off a horrible long hop - always the way. There were edges, but they didn't go to hand.

Still we bowled and fielded (my one howler apart) very well, and kept them to 65-8 off 36 overs, despite the fact that our evident continual albatross shooting is leading us to be cursed - we lost our keeper today with a broken finger. This proved crucial.

Tea was great, in the sense that there was a lot of it which is why I always prefer fielding first, and as we batted, I scouted out the ground.

Some of you may remember it from last year; it lies overlooked by the famous Sandy Cliff landmark of Nottingham but it really isn't a pace to do any sightseeing. Swifts were about however, and there were some noisy bubbling house martins around as well. A few bees were present on the few flowering plants in the park, but none wanted to stay long enough to be photographed. I don't blame them.

Meanwhile, we started off batting, and against relentlessly accurate bowling, we struggled to get the ball away. I think I went in with 30 still needed at number 8 - PROMOTION!!! - and my batting partner immediately told me to stay forward.

Dreaming of winning a match with the bat again, I did so, and we made good progress for a few overs. At least he did, I just kept the ball out and ran like hell between the wickets.

Eventually, their left arm bowling version of me, if I looked like something out of a Japanese Manga comic, dropped a short ball in, and I went back to pull it to leg. WENT BACK. The ball stayed low, and hit me on the pad, but I figured the ball pitched rather outside leg and was thus safe.

Too bad the umpire didn't. My own team mate gave me out AGAIN when we were trying to win. We ended up losing by 6 runs.

Oh well. Some days are just rubbish.

Si

All text and images copyright CreamCrackeredNature 10.06.17